Should I take the risk and start up again?
Is that what I want to be begin?
Maybe I got scared
And my feelings just got impaired
The fear of getting back together is great
The fear of not being with him is exploding at an alarming rate
I wish somebody could tell me what to do
I broke up with him because I thought I knew
All I can do is pray and hope that God doesn't forget me
Right now I am alone and God is watching me be
A black tunnel with no end in sight
Maybe death is the desired light
Death is the only way out
In the next life there won't be pain, depression, anger or doubt
When I think about death I am at extreme peace
Because my helpless life would cease
Right now would be the best time to die
No kids, husband or career; my family could get by
Maybe if they knew how happy I was up there
Then they just wouldn't care
I am good, righteous and faithful
I fulfill my daughter of God role
I just feel as if the best finish last
We are encouraged to do everything so fast
And if we don't, we think that we have failed
We believe we have been derailed
Shouldn't those who are good get blessed
But, instead we get more stressed
Just throw me a fricken bone
Stop allowing me to be alone
I'm done trying so hard
And done always getting scared
I am done hurting and breaking hearts
I am done feeling and falling apart
I am done trying and coming up short
I hate being played as if I am a sport
I am done
Because I am never going to be number one
Why try above the line
When things are always less than fine
I am down and sad
And I am thinking above all the things I had
Thinking about pure content, goals, desires and brawn
In a swoop all was gone
I don't necessarily want at this moment to die
But, it would be easier than to helplessly try
I am depressed, so give me some time
Soon I will be prime
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