We strive for love and then get a broken heart
We strive to do our best and then get pushed back to start
We strive to do good
We strive to do all we should
We strive and we strive and never get anywhere
We strive and we strive and nobody cares
Wish life had more joy than pain
Wish there was some sun instead of rain
Wish something great would come along
As opposed to repeating the same sad song
Friday, October 5, 2012
To Die or to Try October 4, 2012
Should I take the risk and start up again?
Is that what I want to be begin?
Maybe I got scared
And my feelings just got impaired
The fear of getting back together is great
The fear of not being with him is exploding at an alarming rate
I wish somebody could tell me what to do
I broke up with him because I thought I knew
All I can do is pray and hope that God doesn't forget me
Right now I am alone and God is watching me be
A black tunnel with no end in sight
Maybe death is the desired light
Death is the only way out
In the next life there won't be pain, depression, anger or doubt
When I think about death I am at extreme peace
Because my helpless life would cease
Right now would be the best time to die
No kids, husband or career; my family could get by
Maybe if they knew how happy I was up there
Then they just wouldn't care
I am good, righteous and faithful
I fulfill my daughter of God role
I just feel as if the best finish last
We are encouraged to do everything so fast
And if we don't, we think that we have failed
We believe we have been derailed
Shouldn't those who are good get blessed
But, instead we get more stressed
Just throw me a fricken bone
Stop allowing me to be alone
I'm done trying so hard
And done always getting scared
I am done hurting and breaking hearts
I am done feeling and falling apart
I am done trying and coming up short
I hate being played as if I am a sport
I am done
Because I am never going to be number one
Why try above the line
When things are always less than fine
I am down and sad
And I am thinking above all the things I had
Thinking about pure content, goals, desires and brawn
In a swoop all was gone
I don't necessarily want at this moment to die
But, it would be easier than to helplessly try
I am depressed, so give me some time
Soon I will be prime
Is that what I want to be begin?
Maybe I got scared
And my feelings just got impaired
The fear of getting back together is great
The fear of not being with him is exploding at an alarming rate
I wish somebody could tell me what to do
I broke up with him because I thought I knew
All I can do is pray and hope that God doesn't forget me
Right now I am alone and God is watching me be
A black tunnel with no end in sight
Maybe death is the desired light
Death is the only way out
In the next life there won't be pain, depression, anger or doubt
When I think about death I am at extreme peace
Because my helpless life would cease
Right now would be the best time to die
No kids, husband or career; my family could get by
Maybe if they knew how happy I was up there
Then they just wouldn't care
I am good, righteous and faithful
I fulfill my daughter of God role
I just feel as if the best finish last
We are encouraged to do everything so fast
And if we don't, we think that we have failed
We believe we have been derailed
Shouldn't those who are good get blessed
But, instead we get more stressed
Just throw me a fricken bone
Stop allowing me to be alone
I'm done trying so hard
And done always getting scared
I am done hurting and breaking hearts
I am done feeling and falling apart
I am done trying and coming up short
I hate being played as if I am a sport
I am done
Because I am never going to be number one
Why try above the line
When things are always less than fine
I am down and sad
And I am thinking above all the things I had
Thinking about pure content, goals, desires and brawn
In a swoop all was gone
I don't necessarily want at this moment to die
But, it would be easier than to helplessly try
I am depressed, so give me some time
Soon I will be prime
The Break-Up October 3, 2012
My heart is numb
My body is limp
My brain is dull
The life I thought I knew
Was actually hopes and dreams blowing through
Thought my life was solid and set
I thought he was the one, I would have bet
He was perfect and yet here we are
Weak, broken and loving from afar
Confused, sulking and constantly crying
Wondering why I think God is lying
God doesn't lie, cheat or steal
But why did I think the love was real
I broke his humble,loving heart
Would I have done things different if I knew that from the start
I'm angry, bitter, frustrated and shocked
It's been four days since I have seen him and talked
I miss him and I don't know how to seek comfort
Loving life, goals and desires have once again gone short
Once again God has treated me life a cat
Dangling hope, love above me as I bat
I take the bait and he pulls away
Expecting that my faith won't sway
It would be one thing if this only involved me
Why can't that be?
Baby, I thought all I needed was you
But, now God is telling me that's not true
If it's not right then why does my heart not know
My stomach is rocking to and fro
Why does it seem that our heart and brain are never on the same path
Different paths bring wrath
My brain knows it's going to work itself out
While my heart just wants to scream and shout
The brain sometimes masks what our heart desires
Even while the bosom burns with fires
All I want is Jiminy
And he could easily make me see
What path I'm supposed to take
Separation between feelings of real and fake
I only wish and pray that he will soon feel joy
He doesn't dissever grief, he is too righteous of a boy
He is sweet, amazing, loyal and kind
Soon he will be able to find
His career,his wife and a home
No longer feeling alone and out to roam
I love him and he dissevers the best
Just wish his heart would rest
Let us pray that God gives us peace
Or gives us answers at least
My body is limp
My brain is dull
The life I thought I knew
Was actually hopes and dreams blowing through
Thought my life was solid and set
I thought he was the one, I would have bet
He was perfect and yet here we are
Weak, broken and loving from afar
Confused, sulking and constantly crying
Wondering why I think God is lying
God doesn't lie, cheat or steal
But why did I think the love was real
I broke his humble,loving heart
Would I have done things different if I knew that from the start
I'm angry, bitter, frustrated and shocked
It's been four days since I have seen him and talked
I miss him and I don't know how to seek comfort
Loving life, goals and desires have once again gone short
Once again God has treated me life a cat
Dangling hope, love above me as I bat
I take the bait and he pulls away
Expecting that my faith won't sway
It would be one thing if this only involved me
Why can't that be?
Baby, I thought all I needed was you
But, now God is telling me that's not true
If it's not right then why does my heart not know
My stomach is rocking to and fro
Why does it seem that our heart and brain are never on the same path
Different paths bring wrath
My brain knows it's going to work itself out
While my heart just wants to scream and shout
The brain sometimes masks what our heart desires
Even while the bosom burns with fires
All I want is Jiminy
And he could easily make me see
What path I'm supposed to take
Separation between feelings of real and fake
I only wish and pray that he will soon feel joy
He doesn't dissever grief, he is too righteous of a boy
He is sweet, amazing, loyal and kind
Soon he will be able to find
His career,his wife and a home
No longer feeling alone and out to roam
I love him and he dissevers the best
Just wish his heart would rest
Let us pray that God gives us peace
Or gives us answers at least
Boy to Man: Our bond is Gone May 2007
Us together
Nobody could tell us what to do or tell us how to be
We were the best of friends
We did everything together and I loved it
Capturing robbers and bringing them to jail
Our parents tried to control our overwhelming behavior but not even they had a say in the people we wanted to be
He was the child that nobody wanted in their class
With his non-stop legs and mouth it was almost impossible to teach him anything
When the teacher stopped having to send home faces, my parents knew that their baby was becoming a boy
That boy went through his elementary years as the kid who was idolized by everybody
A little boy makng a big impact
That little boy entered into a new world
A world with older kids who didn't understand or care about his social standing
His sixth grade rolled on and that little boy became a teenager
With his rebellious personality developing
There was no more us, just him and me
We, no longer existed only me and him
He found better people to capture the robbers with
His interest in girls was where it ended
I saw him when I would pass in the halls, the smirk from all his friends and the gesture toward me made me realized that they care, but when his face turned away, my heart went with him leaving me with nothing
That teenager entered into a brutal world of high school
I thought I might enter into that world, but I never did, I was just an orbit swirling around and watching him find a new life, away from me and away from his family
Now that I am beginning to enter into that world, he is leaving
He is starting his own life as it should be, but I am not ready for him to leave
He's ready to go and be his own person, but right when he steps out of that door, he will be gone from my present and future
All I have is my past and I have been living in the past for years now and it's time to look into a new future
He is my brother and I am his sister that's all I can say about our bond
That baby that my family once knew is not a boy or a teenager but a man
Death Penalty April 2010
He steals, he rapes, he kills with no remorse
He attacks women with a brutal force
He lives a life in which people are unaware
But only investigate his crimes if you dare
He doesn't feel happiness, hope or love
And he lacks the knowledge of above
We all thought his crimes would end
But, for him, it seemed the rules did bend
While in bail
He somehow made bail
We knew he was once again on a killing spree
They found him in an apple tree
He was sentenced and was put on death row
We all know we have to reap what we sew
HE wanted to make sure he was a legacy
His mind was filled with supremacy
This seems fair
If he dies nobody would care
_______________________
A young man lived in a bad part of town
Gun shots, crying and pain were all around
He had to join a gang to protect his life
He was protected through struggle and strife
But his "brothers" got him into a lot of crime
And several of them had to go and do time
He knew what he was doing was bad
And he knew it made his mother sad
Crime was not his goal; he never wanted to
One night
He got in a fight
Things got worse and he took a life
She was a friend, mother and wife
He was sentenced to death row
Like I said we have to reap what we sew
He attacks women with a brutal force
He lives a life in which people are unaware
But only investigate his crimes if you dare
He doesn't feel happiness, hope or love
And he lacks the knowledge of above
We all thought his crimes would end
But, for him, it seemed the rules did bend
While in bail
He somehow made bail
We knew he was once again on a killing spree
They found him in an apple tree
He was sentenced and was put on death row
We all know we have to reap what we sew
HE wanted to make sure he was a legacy
His mind was filled with supremacy
This seems fair
If he dies nobody would care
_______________________
A young man lived in a bad part of town
Gun shots, crying and pain were all around
He had to join a gang to protect his life
He was protected through struggle and strife
But his "brothers" got him into a lot of crime
And several of them had to go and do time
He knew what he was doing was bad
And he knew it made his mother sad
Crime was not his goal; he never wanted to
One night
He got in a fight
Things got worse and he took a life
She was a friend, mother and wife
He was sentenced to death row
Like I said we have to reap what we sew
High School Horror September 2008
She looks inside and pounds at the glass
But nobody hears
Nobody ever hears
She is invisible
She wants them to accept her
They don't
They won't
She is trapped outside of High School life
Her fist becomes sore
Voice begins to ache
She realizes that there is no hope
She might as well give up
They sometimes look, but don't like what they see
They don't care about outsiders
But nobody hears
Nobody ever hears
She is invisible
She wants them to accept her
They don't
They won't
She is trapped outside of High School life
Her fist becomes sore
Voice begins to ache
She realizes that there is no hope
She might as well give up
They sometimes look, but don't like what they see
They don't care about outsiders
My Savior and my Heart October 2009
My Savior, My Christ
Who paid the Ultimate price
Maybe you can help me understand
Why nothing happens the way I planned
I strive according to thee
Thank you for always being there for me
But why does Satan always attack my heart?
Everyday I am ripped apart
"You're ugly, fat and dumb"
He doesn't stop until I am numb
I do my best to not break down and cry
He continues to tell me to not even try
I look up to get help from thee
And there you are, always looking back at me
I know for a fact I can't do this alone
I look back at my trials and I know I didn't overcome them on my own
I know I am going to endure to the end
But I need to make sure my straight and narrow path doesn't bend
I see so many loved ones fall away
Satan tells them they will just die someday
Why would people want that to be the case?
Why would they only want to go to this horrible place?
The only thing that gets me through the toil and strife
Is fantasizing about the next life.
Who paid the Ultimate price
Maybe you can help me understand
Why nothing happens the way I planned
I strive according to thee
Thank you for always being there for me
But why does Satan always attack my heart?
Everyday I am ripped apart
"You're ugly, fat and dumb"
He doesn't stop until I am numb
I do my best to not break down and cry
He continues to tell me to not even try
I look up to get help from thee
And there you are, always looking back at me
I know for a fact I can't do this alone
I look back at my trials and I know I didn't overcome them on my own
I know I am going to endure to the end
But I need to make sure my straight and narrow path doesn't bend
I see so many loved ones fall away
Satan tells them they will just die someday
Why would people want that to be the case?
Why would they only want to go to this horrible place?
The only thing that gets me through the toil and strife
Is fantasizing about the next life.
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